McSweeney’s has a funny bit about creating your JDate profile.
Looking for:
– A long-term relationship. (But obviously marriage is in the foreseeable future, right? I mean, who are we kidding here? You’ve got to grow up and raise a family sometime.)
– Marriage and children. (Wait, didn’t we have this option already? Who gets married and doesn’t have children? Crazy people, that’s who.)
– Activity partner. (Please. Join a club. You don’t need a dating site for this.)
Children?
– Not sure, but who am I kidding? Of course.
– No, and I’m saying that especially to make my mother sob uncontrollably for days. I’m a horrible, ungrateful child who doesn’t understand the joys of grandchildren.
About Me
Instructions: Describe yourself and your personality. What are you passionate about? Why haven’t you found a nice girl yet, and what exactly attracts you to those dumb floozies you keep bringing to our family dinners? As if we don’t have enough drama without you bringing around Bryn or Joyceline or some other girl with a name we’ll be asking you to spell out months after you’ve broken up with her. What about Rebecca? Isn’t that a nice name? The craziness with names these days. Everyone needs to stand out, name their baby something special and hard to spell. Jerks. (100 character minimum.)
Hilarious.
