This post is from me as a single guy about to turn 40 next week. Forget the industry insider, forget the consulting, forget the years of experience with online dating, it’s time to get my rant on.
I just spent the last two hours on Match.com. Updating my profile, changing photos, emailing people, returning winks and cleaning out my inbox and Favorites. This is what happens when you bookmark too many people, much better to email immediately, or forget about them. Pretty soon you are drowning in possibilities, and start to delete people because their pictures are too dark, or not revealing enough, or you hate that they dressed their lapdog Mr. Bumbles up like a pumpkin.
It’s absolutely true, there are something like 10% of men on dating sites and we do ALL the work. Women hardly ever email men, and dating sites are doing NOTHING to change that. Why is that? Forget human nature, let’s even up the workload here.
Winks should basically be outlawed on sites like Match. If a man winks at a women, she NEVER writes back. Take the time to send an email or get outta my inbox is the common thinking. But if a woman winks at a guy on Match, it’s all hands on deck, get out the dictionary, get witty and prepare a compliment, we have a live on on the line!
On OKCupid, winks seem to be bi-directionally accepted, interesting how it’s different on every site. OkCupid people are much more my speed, but also weirder, it’s a tradeoff.
I tried talking to a few women on PlentyOfFish, that didn’t last long. It was like talking to the wall. I am not going to perform any character assassinations but wow, talk about many millions of women I have absolutely zero in common with. It’s 2008, at least let us choose a better layout and colors.
Online dating is like using a search engine. We all just want a Google. How many search engines do you use?
I didn’t go to any more dating sites. Where am I gonna go, Yahoo!? As much as I love Y! Personals, most of the women are on Match, so why bother?
Niche sites? There isn’t a niche for me. Gays, blacks, asians and jews have it made. Me, I got nothing.
I have another 25 women to email on Match, and it’s supposed to be my day off. I need an intern or a form letter. But I can’t do that. Every email I send is painstakingly crafted in response to what the woman has written in their profile. Jesus, it’s exhausting.
God forbid she is stunning, because then you need to work overtime at catching her eye with your prose. She’s received 10 emails before yours, from men much better looking, richer and actually own property (or desperately want kids, like next week). The outlook gets pretty grim, but you give it a shot, because you never know, maybe she likes quirky renters and just doesn’t know it.
I went on two dates this weekend from OKCupid. Nice women but no chemistry. I cannot wait until people can put up videos of themselves, trying to judge someone’s personality from what they write is a pain in the ass. Anyone who writes “I’m just as comfortable in jeans..” gets deleted. If that’s all you can come up with, you have no chance with me.
Same goes if you mention trust, compassion or any one of the trigger words that mean “the last guy I dated was a jerk, you better not be.”
Yeah yeah, I know, that’s why eHarmony and compatibility testing is so good. But for me, it’s all about energy and charisma, which I find difficult to judge from most profiles.
There should be a profile field where you can tell your favorite jokes. I think that says a lot more about people than most dating sites scientifically-driven testing systems.
Matching chemistry and long-term compatibility is incredibly difficult. It’s painfully obvious that a lot of people who work in the dating industry are married. They are totally out of the loop and forget what it’s like to be single. time for some fresh, single perspectives.
Over the weekend I played Wii tennis at a house party, went to trivia night, went for a run, had two dates and saw David Sedaris at Symphony Hall. My life is full and invigorating when I step away from the keyboard. Yesterday’s date actually said I was overqualified for online dating, sigh. And yet, here I am. Maybe I’ll buy a billboard like that guy did in Australia, there has got to be an easier way.
I love it right here in Boston and don’t feel the need to go on and on about how important traveling is. We’re all going to be just as miserable after a week in Sardinia, what’s with all the “I love to travel more than anything” statements. Go look at a woman’s profile on Match and find me one that doesn’t mention traveling. Told you, practically impossible. Someone who understands this stuff, feel free to chime in.
It’s depressing to read a great profile and see a pretty face, only to find out they are friends of those Wasilla Mavericks.
I take everyone for coffee now. No more first date $100 dinners. I want dating sites to take out more of the guesswork, but they just can’t be trusted, yet.
Scenario: You call someone up, talk to them for a bit, then realizing it not working? What is the protocol for hanging up and not taking things to the next level? Calling E-Cyrano!
Sometimes I think we rely to heaving on online dating. I need to get back to basics. I live down the street from the oldest bar in America. I am going there tonight and I’m going to walk up to women I don’t know and initiate conversations and I’m not coming home until I get a phone number. It’s going to be a long night.
