Online Dating Insider » Funny

iPad or Netbook Debate in Dating Terms

David Evans — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:18:11 +0000

Techland gadget critic Doug Aamoth looks at which device is better for you — the iPad or a netbook — based on your dating personality.

Declaration of Romantic Intent

David Evans — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 22:26:53 +0000

Not sure how to tell someone you’re interested in them? The Bureau of Communication – Fill-in-the-blank Correspondence should do the trick.

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Nike Introduces New Intercourse Shoe

David Evans — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:47:00 +0000

This is just funny. Nike has announced the nationwide launch of the Air Fornicator, a lightweight copulating shoe designed to maximize sexual performance.

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Nation’s Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan

David Evans — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:17:03 +0000

Nation’s Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: ‘Let’s Move In Together’

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Market Efficiencies of Online Dating

David Evans — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:07:17 +0000

A great Craiglslist dating post is currently making the rounds, written by A 25 year old woman in New York who is trying to find out how to land a rich husband. The response is bound for the all time classic CL posts category.

Woman: I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Man: Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Welcome to JDate: Creating Your Profile

David Evans — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 20:10:03 +0000

McSweeney’s has a funny bit about creating your JDate profile.

Looking for:

- A long-term relationship. (But obviously marriage is in the foreseeable future, right? I mean, who are we kidding here? You’ve got to grow up and raise a family sometime.)
- Marriage and children. (Wait, didn’t we have this option already? Who gets married and doesn’t have children? Crazy people, that’s who.)
- Activity partner. (Please. Join a club. You don’t need a dating site for this.)

Children?

- Not sure, but who am I kidding? Of course.
- No, and I’m saying that especially to make my mother sob uncontrollably for days. I’m a horrible, ungrateful child who doesn’t understand the joys of grandchildren.

About Me

Instructions: Describe yourself and your personality. What are you passionate about? Why haven’t you found a nice girl yet, and what exactly attracts you to those dumb floozies you keep bringing to our family dinners? As if we don’t have enough drama without you bringing around Bryn or Joyceline or some other girl with a name we’ll be asking you to spell out months after you’ve broken up with her. What about Rebecca? Isn’t that a nice name? The craziness with names these days. Everyone needs to stand out, name their baby something special and hard to spell. Jerks. (100 character minimum.)

Hilarious.

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Ze Frank on True.com

David Evans — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 22:45:27 +0000

This is hilarious. Ze Frank, who hosts a great daily videoblog, has a segment about the True.com video ads that are showing up in places like Myspace. Watch him chat back and forth with the video ad, thinking the girls in the ads are actually chatting live with him, gave me a big chuckle. Ze is totally in the League of Awesomeness (if you know the show you get the reference).

I’m still bummed that Match.com tried to stoop to True’s level but blatantly ripping off the fake videochat concept, especially when they spend a lot of time touting how much grey hair their members have.

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Dating advice for men explained in electrical diagrams

David Evans — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 15:23:43 +0000

I’m finding some interesting geeky dating advice on the periphery of my personality testing research. Agree or disagree, science has a place in the matchmaking process, and we’re just starting to understand how to apply it to the business of finding each other.

Smart guys date in parallel.

Letâ€™s let V be potential difference between dating girls and doing something productive, I be current of love, and R be resistance to current flow. The problem with serial dating is the same as with serial circuits. If resistance starts to increase, youâ€™re stuck: because V = IR, and R is increasing, I must decrease to hold the equality. Worse still, because P = IV, youâ€™re just not going to have as much power with the increased resistance. Note on the above diagram that current is a lousy 214 mA, and weâ€™re only able to get 1.93 â€œjewelsâ€? from our relationships. This is even worse than it seems: because thereâ€™s only one pathâ€”through all relationshipsâ€”youâ€™ll end up spending the majority of your energy on the relationship with the greatest resistance, which is exactly the opposite of what you want to do.

Via Boingboing.

We are all Going to Hell

David Evans — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:50:35 +0000

The Seven 28 Deadly Sins.

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We are all Going to Hell

David Evans — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 03:31:23 +0000

The Seven 28 Deadly Sins.