http://www.myspace.com/meccanormal

I’ve posted “Attraction is Ephemeral” about an short romance generated from Lavalife… where, in the opening verse I sing : “Wondering how much recent deception informs my reaction.” I made a video using self-portrait photos from my Lavalife profile. Also up : “I’m Not Into Being the Woman You’re With While You’re Looking for the Woman You Want” — which I said to a guy after I saw back on Lavalife for hours after we’d had sex. A chronic issue for online dating sites — why is the person I started something with still looking? And the song : “I’ll Call You” — written from the point of view of a man if he was actually telling the truth about what he wanted — not exclusive to the online scene.

I’ll Call You

I want cold and impersonal sex
during which I’ll be pretending I’m with someone else
I only care about my satisfaction
I will jerk you around
to get as much for myself as I can
If you object — I’ll be on my way

If you dare to communicate with me after I’ve let you know
where you stand
I will belittle you
I will disrespect you with comments
that I call ‘joking’ — if you don’t get it
you need to lighten up

You will play by my rules
and I’m not into telling you what my rules are

I’ll call you
I’ll call you

I’m very highly evolved
I’m very attractive
I have a lot of options that I am keeping open
so don’t expect me to treat you as if
you’re someone special
– you’re not

I’ll call you
I’ll call you

I’ll let you know when it’s your turn again
until then, let’s be friends

I’ll call you
I’ll call you

But what folks need is not only more real Social Science, but some historical perspective too. We imagine we must be measuring something important ’cause that’s what we’ve got. But Outcomes research? Not there yet. And what is all this without real time Outcomes research? A lot of gas molecules coming together, being attracted in some cases, repelled in others. What’s the bottom line? How ‘effective’ at ‘discrimination’ are any of these sites, and how successful are they at this discrimination over a given set of time parameters? Finally what’s the percentage who are in the {presumed} desired state of a LTR/Marriage after say, 6mo-1 year? Is this greater than we might expect from simply random chance encounters? Will someone ever dare attempt such a test? Being merely compatible is surely no guarantee of much, and oh BTW, your ‘paper test’ IQ is mostly irrelevant here too. And I hate to think what a series of personality tests might show from among the long married. I’ve seen some of the nice ‘successful aging’ ones, but how about the ‘barely tolerate each other’ remainder?

Yes, there’s certainly plenty of cash flow being generated here and elsewhere, and I’m sorry that you (and other more worthies) are missing it all. It’s quite a bonanza made off of the thwarted but still very present desires of millions. It’s the equivalent of selling sliced bread to the masses, everyone wants someone to love. It’s worse than selling life insurance to healthy 20 Yo’s. They’ll not likely need it, and they’re mostly indifferent to it’s cost and bother once they buy into it.

But finally folks come around to their greatest assets in the game of chance, personal encounters. This is the best test of compatibility, not a few spare paragraphs trying to sum up our very complex lives, and/or some subsequent hot and heavy email/phone/text exchanges. Being there. There’s really no substitute. It surely does not help that yes, many of the guys who are looking for a mate seem socially inept. This is a fairly common trait. Worse it is bound to be a self reinforcing trend, as all the socailly adept guys are constantly being removed from the dating pool.

Me, I think you’d have better odds with the much older ‘social improvement’ ethos. Get active in your community, learn to dance, play an instrument, or be a knowledgeable conversationalist. Approach more people, and be more approachable. Even better, get to know yourself better, what you really want from a relationship and why. That’s a really good start and can help clear out the clutter fairly effectively. And saying ‘Yes’ more often would help. Especially for all those worthy but socially inept & shy guys who seem to be still out there. As always. Cheers, ‘VJ’ [No that's not my real email].

As to Matt’s comment about “men becoming men again” and actually approaching women in real life…where is the mythical Atlantis where that is happening? I wish you were right, but I’ve found (and it’s not just me, but those in my group of women friends) that most women don’t get approached, and that many of the approachers are actually socially hopeless. Obviously, it’s not true everywhere. But I hope Matt’s right about the trend…

Mobile is coming, it’s just too early for the US.

A bubble is more about economics, eHarmony raising $100M for marketing and other purposes was a good sign it and the industry is maturing. It’s not like they squandered away the money, at least from what we know about the company today.

And what really had happened to:

E-Dating Bubble Springs a Leak?
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/11/edating_bubble_springs_a_leak.php

SITRAS?
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/08/newsflash_sitracon_ii_speaker_presentations.php

IADW?

IdeaOasis?

Legislation?

WeAttract?

eHarmony USD100 million received more than a year ago?
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/22/eharmonycom_attracts_nearly_110_million.php
“Are you sitting down? Pasadena-based EHarmony sold $100M preferred stock to 14 investors including Sequoia Capital and Technology Crossover Ventures. ”

Lemontonic getting busy in Canada ???
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/20/lemontonic_getting_busy_in_canada.php

Meetic prepares for 2005 EU IPO
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/15/meetic_prepares_for_2005_eu_ipo.php

Podcasts with the new microphone you had bought to avoid bath noise?
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2005/12/08/singles_podcast_network_show_3.php
http://www.singlespodcastingnetwork.com/

software developments for mobile applications?

See your previous post at
http://onlinedatingpost.com/archives/2004/12/08/newsflash_sitracon_ii_speaker_presentations.php
says “…I’m fascinated with matching technologies and I was able to catch the last few minutes of a talk by Chris Knudsen at Relate Networx….Scientific matching is a hot topics when it comes to service differentiation and it’s good to see Chris as well as Steve Levine at Transparensee sharing their thoughts on this timely topic. ”

Kindest Regards,
Fernando Ardenghi.
Buenos Aires.
Argentina.
ardenghifer@gmail.com

thank you for these very good comments. I think these are not just “interesting reading” but also a good guide on how to improve the sites!

Thanks a lot for that,

Stefan

Why should I care about trolling online for babes and sending emails when I can approach someone at the coffeehouse, get a phone number, and know exactly what I’m getting? I’ll join a free site maybe.

So you’re right Dave, at least about live events.

I could care less about personality tests. I know a personality test can’t match for compatible baggage and mutual chemistry. Though okcupid is the genuis for making those cool.

I’m not sure what you mean by “You can’t be cool on a dating site” – http://www.fastcupid.com, http://www.comsumating.com and http://www.itsjustcoffee.com all seem to handle coolness pretty well.

~Best

Matt

I want to address this part of your article:

“If you work in the dating industry, go brainstorm something useful and cool for your site, create a new ad campaign, market to a new niche or tweak your search algorithm or find a new way to entice people to sign up for your site. Do something extraordinary that differentiates you from the competition.”

I am in the ‘midst’ of attempting just that – ‘ a niche’ – as you might call it.

Personally, I started ‘searching’ online for a female companion in 2001. Things have changed quite a bit since then.

I am currently writing an ebook which I hope will be useful to my ‘niche’ readers.

Meanwhile, I have written and put together many pages on my “dating tips” web site addressing my journey through the online dating experince.

By the end of 2003 I finally met the woman of my dreams! We married in 2004.

It was not easily accomplished to say the least. I learned so much of what to do and what not to do.

The ‘niche’ whom I address, of whom I was also a member, by the way, are single men who, for one reason or another, want a wife – not just a date.

This group of men are serious enough to look for a wife in a foreign country, particularly Russian speaking women from the former USSR countries.

Been there – done that! So I speak and use my experiences in this journey in my quest for a bride.

Hopefully I can help those few who might be interested in taking the same journey.